Did God Send You Your Lover?

Do you believe that you and your spouse are a match made in Heaven?

Did you meet your spouse in a very significant way that led you to believe it was God’s work?

Now, imagine that you are lusting over another person or even cheated on your spouse with that other person and no longer desire to be with your spouse. 

Do you believe that God sent you your lover (or affair partner)? 

Joy wants to leave her husband Kevin for another man named Jose.

She claims to be madly in love with Jose, whom she has had an affair with for many months; she also claims that after praying about the relationship, she heard the voice of God convey to her that it is okay to leave Kevin and be with Jose, because Jose is the man she is really destined to be with.

Joy says that she is a Christian and goes to church regularly but has stopped associating with many of her church friends due to them disagreeing with her immoral lifestyle decision.

She feels completely confident that God answered her prayer by providing her with the right man for a new marriage.

Was this actually the voice of God telling Joy to leave and divorce her husband for this other man?

Or was she using God to justify her behaviors and infidelity? 

Let’s take a look at a few Bible passages from the New International Version that will help us look more clearly at the situation and think about how we can interpret the scripture and relate it to this modern world dilemma. 

Scripture: 1 John 4:1

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

A paraphrase: 

Be wary of others, as there are a lot of people out there who claim to follow Christ but really do not. Do not believe everything everyone says.

In relation to our case above, Joy needs to be wary of what she believes she is hearing from God.

Would God really guide someone to divorce their spouse for a lover, or is she just yearning this because she is in lust or limerence with Jose? 

Scripture: 1 Timothy 4:1-2

The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.

Some people will choose to stray and will follow down a dark path away from God.

They are lead away from the light by those conveying ungodly messages.

Joy is straying from her husband and her marriage contract by thinking and believing certain things that are unholy. 

Scripture: Matthew 19:4-6

“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

If you divorce someone and marry another, according to the Bible, you are breaking that marriage covenant.

Everyone should honor marriage.

If you are sleeping with another person as well, even if you believe God sent you this other person, you are breaking that marriage covenant. 

Why would God send Joy another man knowing that she would be unholy in her relationship? God’s aim is not to tempt us into sin. “…and lead us not into temptation.”

Scripture: Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

This is self-explanatory and how it relates to our scenario is that Joy is not being faithful or using self-control within her marriage like the Bible says she should. 

Scripture: Matthew 5:27

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’

This is one of the ten commandments—once you’ve thought about committing a sin (lust), you have basically already done the deed.

Scripture: Proverbs 5:1

My son, pay attention to my wisdom, turn your ear to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.

What will Joy do when the thrill is gone with Jose?

Will she regret her violation of beliefs and values?

What about the missed time with children and friends along with other relationships lost?

Joy will bring Kevin and Jose sorrow like a double edged sword.

After reviewing the scripture and translations as they relate to our scenario, reflect and think upon how Joy should handle this situation. 

Should she go ahead and divorce Kevin since she already sinned by committing adultery? 

No…divorce is not God’s will.

However, she should think about judgement day and what she will want God to say to her.

She should think of the consequences in every aspect of her life if she continues on with this affair (monetary, friends, children, judgement, time, reputation, in-laws, church, etc.).

She should choose integrity and not blame this on God for her own actions.

Lastly, Joy should do all that she can to help save her marriage and reconnect with her husband.

She will need to know how to get over a lover.

It is difficult and she will need to take her life one day at a time, trusting that she is doing the right thing – not only for her family but for herself.

Even the right decision can result in pain and she will need to accept that, for a time, she will feel divided and as though she is missing out.

Better days will be ahead and she will look back with gladness that she made the right choice.

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