Common Myths That Can Cause Marriage Problems
It seems like everyone has an opinion about marriage—what you should do, what you should not do, and how you should do it.
Your family and friends believe that they are experts on the relationship between you and your spouse and enjoy giving you tips and recommendations on how to fix your marriage issues and resolve your conflicts.
Unfortunately not everyone has the best advice when it comes to marriage.
And even worse, some of that advice can actually be more destructive to marriage than helpful.
In this article, you will hopefully learn how to separate a myth from reality and how to protect your marriage from the well-intentioned advice of the non-qualified.
Your bachelorette/bachelor party is in full swing.
There are gifts galore, the booze is flowing, and everyone is socializing.
You’re having a great time and the buzz from the party is causing you to get super amped for your upcoming wedding in a few days…until some of your friends surround you and start dishing out unsolicited advice and warn you of certain things that might come up in your marriage.
You better savor the first year or so…after that, it’s all downhill.
You should have moved in with him before the wedding. Hopefully you know what you’re getting into.
Since both you and your wife’s parents are divorced, you guys will need to work extra hard on your marriage so that doesn’t happen to you too.
Myth 1: A truly happy couple will not argue.
Excuse me? This doesn’t even make sense.
If you went into your marriage thinking this, go ahead and change your frame of mind.
Every single couple will disagree and argue from time to time; this doesn’t mean that you and your spouse are dysfunctional.
If things cross the line and become verbally or physically abusive or one partner is demeaning the other, then that’s an issue.
Sometimes communication turns into an argument—you can get over it and move on with life.
Myth 2: Having kids will make you and your spouse happier.
If you both are on the fence about having kids, you may want to take a deep, hard look into whether or not that’s a great idea.
Having a child because one partner is trying to fill a void or to make things better in the relationship will more than likely only make things worse.
Of course, there are exceptions to that…but is it really worth trying out?
Bringing a little human being into the world is not something to be taken lightly.
It can be a wonderful event that ushers in someone who will become a cherished member of your family.
But be sure that you and your spouse are ready.
Myth 3: Eventually monogamy will get boring.
According to whom?
If you want to spice things up, then by all means do, but there is no martial rule that states being in a committed, monogamous marriage for the rest of your lives will be boring.
There are plenty of ways to make things fresh and exciting (take a look at this list of sex tips).
If you already believe that monogamy is boring, then maybe marriage isn’t the right track for you.
Myth 4: The first years of marriage are the best.
This seems a little depressing and it would be if it were true.
If you expect to be married for the rest of your earthly existence, then why would you want only the first few years to be the best?
Marriage is going to be what you and your spouse make it.
If you have a negative attitude about it and have no long-term goals for what you want out of marriage, then maybe that could be true for some people.
But it definitely doesn’t have to be; there are plenty of extremely happy couples who have been married for years and even decades.
ALSO SEE: I hate my husband | I hate my wife
Many couples report that as they get older, their marriage becomes more exciting.
This includes sex, shared experiences, and life in general.
Myth 5: You won’t have sex as often once you tie the knot.
You can have sex ten times a day, every single day, for the rest of your life!
Who’s to dictate your sex life?
Don’t allow this myth to get into your head.
Realistically, there may be up and down times in the bedroom and having kids, busy work schedules, and just regular old life can get in the way.
But you never know—you could potentially have even more sex later on than when you were first married since it becomes a great way to fight stress and celebrate!
Myth 6: You should never go to bed angry.
This isn’t very realistic and believing this can put a lot of pressure on a person.
Of course, you’d like to hope that you can resolve whatever conflict is going on and go to bed happy as a clam, cuddling up tight and dreaming of sugarplums and unicorns…but things happen.
Depending on the situation, sometimes it is necessary to give each other space and go to bed without resolution and then finish discussing the next day.
Myth 7: A couple that is content will want to be together often.
A couple is made up of two completely different individuals; each may have different hobbies, likes and dislikes, groups of friends, occupations, etc.
Not being together 24/7 is okay and can actually be healthy.
It’s good to get away and unwind with other people or even to recharge by yourself.
Absence can make the heart grow fonder!
Myth 8: Eventually you’ll be able to fix your spouse’s flaws and things that get under your skin.
If your spouse had flaws or annoying habits before you married them (and they did…) then they will continue to have some of those.
That’s life.
No one is perfect – not even close.
People can learn and grow and change, but you cannot go into a marriage expecting to change someone.
You really just need to accept them as they are and choose your battles.
Myth 9: Once you have kids, they should always come first.
Your spouse came first, so they should continue to come first in the family.
Putting the relationship with your spouse on the back burner once you bring a child into the world is a big mistake and is why so many couples harbor resentment and frustration.
Continue to date your spouse, spend time with your spouse, and fall in love with your spouse, even after kids.
It is important that your children witness what commitment is and see devotion demonstrated in a marriage by their parents.
Don’t listen to the rules!
Just find what works for you and your spouse and live your life.
If friends and family come at you with marriage myths, shake your head and nod, politely say “thank you,” and move on.
I have a free mini-course on saving a mariage and I sincerely hope that you will get it and apply what it teaches!
Sincerely,
Coach Lee
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