Should You Remarry Your Ex-Spouse?
Is remarrying your ex realistic?
After all, you divorced for a certain reason, could your ex have changed so drastically during the time you were both apart to the point where you would want to try it all again?
It works for some people and definitely doesn’t for others. But what exactly makes this situation successful?
Let’s look at a scenario:
You and your spouse have been divorced for two years and have started to talk to each other again.
It started out as only speaking regarding your children and moved on to texting each other funny memes that only s/he would understand, and then all of a sudden you two ended up at the local coffee shop sipping lattes and updating each other on your lives.
Everything has happened so suddenly.
You are starting to have feelings for your ex once again and can’t stop thinking about him/her.
The feeling seems to be mutual because there is definitely some good vibes going on between you both—the late-night texts and flirtatious body language when you two meet up seem like signs s/he is into you again.
After a while, you decide to broach the subject of “What IS this exactly?”
Eventually, you and your ex officially start dating again and things seem to be going great, and the kids are especially happy that you two are back together.
Could this be leading somewhere?
Could remarriage be in your future?
More importantly, back to the question, “What is going to make your situation successful?”
Some experts say the divorce rate is climbing toward 60% and the rate for remarriages is even higher—if this is genuinely what you and your spouse desire, how are you going to make sure the second time around is zero percent?
There sure are dos and don’ts as well as advice from experts and those who have experienced this firsthand.
First, the reasoning behind why someone would want to remarry their ex spouse is important.
Is it legitimately for love?
Did one party reflect and grow during the absence and come to realize they cannot live without their ex?
Or are the reasons more selfish in nature such as realizing that “singlehood” is not as exciting as married life or maybe one party is lonely and wants to be back with someone who is familiar?
To piggyback on that first point, avoid getting remarried only for the sake of your children, if you have them.
Do not jump into remarrying your spouse.
Take things slowly.
Getting back into a committed relationship for at least a year could be beneficial.
The last thing you want is to realize that you have made the same mistake again…after the knot is tied.
Forget the past and focus on the future.
If you really want this to work out, you cannot beat a dead horse and continuously bring up past arguments or mistakes.
What’s done is done; remarriage is about hope and the future, not fixing things that happened once upon a time.
Both parties should take responsibility for what happened during the first marriage and make a commitment to move forward.
On the other hand, don’t personally make the same mistakes over and over again and repeat history, or you’ll be back signing another round of divorce papers.
Realistically, if you are going to remarry your spouse, the assumption would be that you both have individually gone through a lot of positive changes and are ready to make work what didn’t work the first time around.
Do some soul searching and explore your part in why the marriage failed the first time…and don’t repeat.
Think about getting Coach Lee’s free minicourse on saving your marriage or couples counseling.
This can be quite beneficial to all couples regardless of their marital status, and a counselor or support system can help you and your spouse during the remarriage transition and going forward.
Set individual and shared goals for what you want out of your marriage.
How will it be different than the last?
How will you go about ensuring that you both stay positive, respectful, and fully committed?
If you are really considering remarrying your ex spouse, it is definitely important to take your time and not make any rash decisions.
Limerence, nostalgia, memories, and even actual love can make people do things they later wish they would not have.
This is a huge choice and is not something to be taken lightly.
I’m sure you don’t want to jump the gun and then be right back at square one when you or your spouse file for divorce a second time.
Of course, some remarriages work out successfully and there are numerous testimonies about this topic; there is definitely a more appropriate and effective way to go about remarrying your spouse—taking your time and asking for professional or experienced advice is the way to go before you say I DO again.
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